Where Hast Mine Passion Gone

5 Videogame Truths You Probably Aren't Willing To Admit

1)You don't like the underwater Mario levels.

Literally any Water Level, they all suck.

Don`t pretend like you enjoy these. No one believes you. They are tedious and frustrating. If Frank Langhella presented you with a button, where if pushed it would make it as though these levels never existed you would absolutely push that button. Then again, you would push that button regardless. It's Frank Langhella. Who are you to not push his button?

2) The game you have logged the most hours playing is Vegas Style Windows Solitaire.

You have a window open with Solitaire running right now. You can regale us all you like with stories of your Elder Scrolls marathon sessions. That's all well and good. The time you've spent playing that game pales in comparison to the amount of time you should have actually been doing your job but were playing solitaire instead.

3) You have no idea what any of the Zelda games are about.

You've presumably played and finished multiple versions of the Zelda games, that does not mean you had any idea what was going on. You know the Triforce is an important relic, you likely think it is very cool, but you haven't got a clue what it does. It's ok, you don't need to feel bad. You are very likely an extremely intelligent person. In a game with race names such as Deku, Subrosian, Lokomo, you never really stood a chance.

4) You are absolutely terrified of Hideo Kojima.

Hideo Kojima
Photo by Georges Seguin. Licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0
Your brain is looking awfully tasty, Timmy.

There is a massive following for the Metal Gear Solid Games. Kojima himself is certainly one of the most respected and acclaimed game developers of all time. That does not mean that if he invited you over for a barbecue that you wouldn't kindly decline. This is because like the rest of us, you are fairly certain he is harvesting brains in his basement.

5) Your favourite game of all time is Bust-A-Move.

You insist on saying Half Life 2 every time, maybe Shadow of the Colossus, presumably to impress people and make them like you. Great games no doubt, but not the ones that keep you up at night. Not the way you fantasize about the day you will own your own Bust-A-Move cabinet, build a sandbox around it, and go all Brian Wilson on life. Any time your significant other asks you what you are thinking about you say "How lovely you are" or "The tenderness of human existence" but you are actually just staring at the wall and humming this in your head:

Josh Moore